Archive '05: Sapphire
by Escaflowne Angel
Summary: Archived from 2005: A terminal illness is threatening to steal the one thing Seto Kaiba holds dear... How will he handle it? SxJ Songfic


Ok… Here's a new story for you… I hope you like it… I've been working on it since I emailed you guys.  
Sorry for the wait on my return, I hope this can make up for it.

* * *

Sapphire

* * *

_  
No one knows what it's like…  
__To be the bad man…  
__To be the sad man…  
__Behind blue eyes… _

Sapphire eyes met a sky of black, as their owner stared into the sky, his thoughts having traveled far and wide, and now collected onto the emptiness of the sky. Beholder of male essence had always found the sky to be such a peaceful, yet depressing scene to look upon after the day's events had fallen to a close. Now his sapphire eyes beheld that sadness once again.

The day filled with wrought and misery as always, the people he held close bringing none of the comfort he seemed to need so desperately nowadays. He sighed as he always did, and looked away from the sky, a brown lock of hair falling over sapphire eyes, yet remained as it had fallen, the owner uncaring to brush it away.

He walked back towards his home, a massive building of elegant quality, it's walls of an eloquent grayish tinge growing dull, a new coat of paint denied from where it was needed, due to lack of concern. His all to familiar sigh returned as he sat down on the couch in the living room area, staring at his reflection in the blank television screen.

The reflection of a shell of a once proud man…

The reflection of Seto Kaiba…

_And no one knows what it's like…  
__To be hated…  
__To be fated…  
__To telling only lies… _

This once proud, strong man had been reduced to nothing but a shell of his former self, and a liar hiding behind a mask of guilt, anger, and confusion. His true self had been torn down long ago by the angel with the golden mane he had fallen love with. Torn down by the words of the one boy that had taunted his dreams and thoughts for years and years. Torn down by a few simple words.

Those words now replayed in his memories, refusing to let him forget them, or move on after they were spoken. He had never regretted something so much in his entire life as much as he regretted his actions that day. He wished he could turn back time and erase everything from that day. To stop himself from waking up.

But of course, it was impossible, as he came to realize long ago. As he sat in his chair, staring at his reflection, those horrid memories resurfaced, and he felt his eyes sting with unshed tears, shed numerous times before, yet reacted as if never once shed for the words that cut his heart in two.

Words that haunted him now…

_But my dreams…  
__They aren't as empty…  
__As my conscious…  
__Seems to be… _

But he was thankful for the fact that he still had his dreams. Dreams of pleasant experiences, and relief filled wishes. Dreams of the same blonde boy that tore his heart to pieces, yet somehow still held him together. His dreams were his escape from reality. He dove into them when he wished for an escape, and found peace there, but all too soon that peace turned to misery when they dreams faded back to reality, and it was here that he mourned. He mourned over the loss of that one special feeling he knew he'd lost for good.

Love was that feeling, and it had slipped from his grasp, leaving him feeling cold and empty. He wished he could bring it back, to make it all better. But he couldn't, and it tore his heart more than the blonde's words had, threatening to engulf him in an eternal sea of despair. And it mostly did, but the part of him that wasn't, fought to keep his head. It fought to keep the part of him that was still in fact alive. But it was losing quickly.

He felt numb…

_I have hours…  
__Only lonely…  
__My love is vengeance…  
__That's never free… _

His mind raced with the memories that had caught hold of him again, as crystal tears fell from his sorrowful sapphire eyes. His eyes, once cold and piercing, holding a certain brightness to them, had turned dull and lifeless. Unknown to him though, the people he kept close to his heart longed to see the life return. But he didn't see it, so he assumed it wasn't there. His stubbornness had remained the same through his depression, though was now known to falter when it came to certain subjects, and it was this stubbornness, and his lost pride, that kept him from seeing how the others hurt to seem him in so much pain.

His crystal tears fell to the ground, splashing against the tile floor, and his boot occasionally. He reached up and gently wiped the tear streaks away from his face, and lay back on the couch, staring at the ceiling, his thoughts straying for a moment to the pistol in the closet of his bedroom. Many times he had pondered on going to that pistol, pulling it from its ebony case, and pointing it to his head, but never did.

Something about the idea scared him slightly, and it managed to keep him at bay for the time being. But there had been times that he had gone and gotten it out of it's case, to simply run his fingers over to cool, metallic surface, almost in a trance. But he never brought it to his head, and he had never fired the single, gold colored bullet inside.

But the idea never faded, and thus he was left to think over it once again. Every time he thought about it, it brought him one step closer to actually going through with the idea. It was only a matter of time before he actually did point it to his head, and use the last bullet the sleek barrel held.

He was a self destructive, ticking time bomb, and there was no way to tell when it would go off…

_No one knows what its like…  
__To feel these feelings…  
__Like I do…  
__And I blame you… _

Finally his thoughts drifted away from the suicidal tendencies and back to the blonde, and what had happened the day his life came crashing down. To what had caused his pride to shatter, and his ego to diminish to practically nothing.

(Flashback)

* * *

A gentle jerk to his arms, the ruffle of bed sheets, and the sound of hurried footsteps woke the sleeping brunette CEO, who, drowsily, sat up and looked for the source, to find the blonde he had before had curled up in his arms, pulled close, in a hasty rush out of the room. He raised a brow at this, and got up, only to hear the sound of retching come from in the bathroom. He sighed and went into the bathroom, kneeled down, and gently rubbed the blonde's back, a worried expression on his brow. 

"Jou…"

The blonde, referred to as Jou, retched again, as the nausea refused to leave, causing him to vomit more. Seto sighed and grabbed a wet rag off of the sink, and gently began brushing the sweat off of Jou's brow, also moving to keep Jou's hair out of his face. After a moment or two, Jou reached up and grabbed some toilet paper, wiped his mouth clean, tossed the paper into the toilet, and flushed it, groaning a bit as he cautiously leaned against Seto, in need of his comfort, but dreading the return of the nausea.

Seto gently wrapped his arms around Jou, and nuzzled him, as he leaned against the wall for support. He kissed Jou's brow and went back to rubbing the blonde's back gently.

Jou stayed in the embrace, finding relief in Seto's comforting, as he gently began to drift off again. He had been resting for quite some time, yet he was still tired. His skin wasn't it's normal color, instead very pale, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he was rather thin.

_No one bites back as hard…  
__On their anger…  
__None of my pain and woe…  
__Can show through…_

'Not again… Poor Jou…' Seto thought as he continued rubbing his back, not daring to move him quite yet, as he knew Jou's nausea would return if he moved him. 'He's been sick for nearly two weeks now… I wonder what's wrong with him…' he continued to think, before sighing.

"Jou, your going to the doctor tomorrow, No but's…" He said after a moment, nuzzling him gently as he pulled him up into his lap slowly, gaze down on Jou as he looked up at him and gave a look of discontent.

"But I don't want to! I'm not getting worse… I'm actually feeling a lot better!" Jou said with a weak, nervous smile he knew Seto would see through in a second, which he did, chuckling slightly as he nuzzled Jou again.

"Jou, please… I want you to get better…" Jou remained silent for a moment, before he gave a weak, pouty look and sighed. "Oh alright…"

Seto gave one of his rare smiles, gently picked the boy up bridal style, and carried him back into the bedroom. "Good… I'll go with you… don't worry…" He reassured as he lay the boy down and covered him up. "You just get some rest…" Seto said as Jou nodded a bit as he snuggled up underneath the blankets and attempted to return to sleep as Seto walked out of the room to set a doctor's appointment for the next day.

_But my dreams…  
__They aren't as empty…  
__As my conscious…  
__Seems to be…_

* * *

The next day, they did as discussed, and went to the doctor's office. Seto stayed out in the waiting room and finished filling out the paperwork as they took Jou back and began taking simply checkup tests. But when they got to the blood work, Jou made Seto come on back with him. Seto knew Jou wouldn't like this particular visit, as blood work was inevitable, and Jou hated needles. But it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, and the tests were done rather quickly. Unfortunately the results of the tests wouldn't be ready for another week, and so Jou was given a simple antibiotic and sent home. 

The week long wait dug at Seto's patience and worry, though he kept it hidden, as he continued taking care of Jou as he always had, his worry not relieved as Jou seemed to get worse and worse. He spent most of his time laid down next to Jou, keeping him held close as he slept, watching over him in worry.

He didn't even go to work, nor did he work on his laptop, as his mind was plagued by Jou's condition, and he was too busy taking care of his puppy to worry about Kaiba Corporation.

_I have hours…  
__Only lonely…  
__My love is vengeance…  
__That's never free…_

Finally though, the CEO's anxiousness was relieved somewhat, as the doctor called to reveal the results of the tests. However, it did not vanish completely, as the doctor refused to tell him the results, insisting that Jou be the first to know.

Seto found this bothersome, but cooperated, and gave the phone to Jou, leaving the room to distract his mind. He found this to be impossible though, as he sat in the living room tapping his foot impatiently, his mind racing with all the possible results of the tests.

His thoughts were interrupted though, as Jou came downstairs, paler than usual, a look of fear and dismay on his features, phone in hand. He turned and looked to the blonde, and his brow furrowed at the look on Jou's face, and he jumped up and moved over to him quickly.

"What? What is it? What's wrong?" Seto questioned, only to be answered with silence, and the tears that rolled down Jou's cheeks as he buried his face into Seto's chest.

"Jou?"

(And for the sake of making the story longer…)

_Discover…  
__L...I…M…P…  
__Say it…  
__Discover…  
__L…I…M…P…  
__Say it…  
__Discover…  
__L…I…M…P…  
__Say it…  
__Discover…  
__L…I…M…P…  
__Say it…  
__Discover…_

Seto's eyes widened at the news that crossed his ears, as he felt himself nearly lose balance. He caught himself, and swiftly pulled Jou into a tight hug, burying his face into Jou's hair, as Jou continued sobbing into his chest.

"No…you…You can't be…" His voice caught in his throat before he could finish his sentence. Jou, the blonde haired angel, the love of his life… was dying.

Seto felt his world come crashing down, as he stood there and held him, feeling as if he was slipping from his grasp even though he was held so close. His knees finally failed him, and he collapsed, though was lucky enough to have the couch behind him to land upon, as he gently pulled Jou onto his lap, keeping him as close as he possibly could, frightful in an immature fashion that Jou would be ripped from his grasp at any moment.

Any pride he had at that moment was crushed, and his superior ego had fallen, as his whole demeanor seemed to crumble, and he was reduced to tears, silently crying his misery into the blonde's hair, as his shirt soaked with Jou's own tears. He felt completely and totally…totally…

Helpless…

(End fashback)

* * *

_No one knows what it's like…  
__To be mistreated…  
__To be defeated…  
__Behind blue eyes…_

He managed to pull himself out of his extreme depression long enough to head upstairs to check on the blonde, finding him asleep, curled up, and shivering slightly. He gave a sad sigh and he gently climbed into bed next to him, and pulled him very close, covering them both up gently.

He gave a soft, and very rare smile when he felt the boy snuggle closer into him, his tension leaving, and his shivering stopping. He leaned his head down and whispered sweet nothings in the boy's ear as he slept, as he felt another tear fall down his cheek in silence. Jou smiled in his sleep and nuzzled him gently, before waking up just a bit and looking up at him, with a weak smile.

"Hey, Seto…" He muttered softly as he looked up at him, smiling wider when Seto looked down at him and smiled back, kissing his forehead.

"Hey, Love…You feeling any better…?" Seto asked half heartedly, but didn't let in show in his tone, as he ran a hand through Jou's hair.

Jou managed a nod. "Yea… Now that you're here, I do…" He said as he leaned up as much as he could and kissed Seto softly.

Seto returned the kiss and held back the tears that threatened to fall again. He loved the blonde so much… So damn much…

And he was going to lose him forever…

_And no one knows how to say…  
__That they're sorry…  
__And don't worry…  
__I'm not telling lies…_

He had always wished for a miracle, for a shed of hope that he would pull through to hang onto. But that miracle never showed, and he had lost hope that it would happen. He knew these next few weeks were the last ones he would have with him, and he cherished every second of it, though the time he couldn't spend with him, he spent alone, too depressed to do much of anything else.

The only thing that brought him some happiness was the smile on Jou's face, the sparkle in his eyes, the love he knew he felt for him, and the sound of his sweet, sweet voice. They seemed to comfort him more than anything else that he had at the moment, and he was grateful for it.

But it didn't erase the misery he felt. This was the man he had played with in the park when he was a little boy, his only friend at the time. This was the man he fell in love with in junior high, and kept it secret till he was a junior, and Jou was a sophomore in high school. This was the man he had taken to every dance, his prom, and even on his vacation to the Bahamas. The man he had devoted his life to, and truly felt complete with. He had promised him an eternity of happiness, and done everything he could for the past 7 years, and the man he had promised his life to.

The small, golden ring, glistening with the beautiful, medium sized diamond, surrounded in small, delicate rubies, that didn't fit anymore, and was worn around Jou's neck on a chain as a necklace proved that, serving as a silent, beautiful, and immortal reminder of how much the CEO loved him, and how he had tossed his own pride, ego, and reputation to the side to be with the blonde forever.

And the other small, golden ring, embodied with numerous diamonds, the only other stones being a small ruby, and a small sapphire, on either side, hanging on the same chain as the other ring on Jou's neck, and secured safely around Seto's left ring finger, showed the world that the two were joined, and that they loved each other enough to spend the rest of eternity together.

_But my dreams…  
__They aren't as empty…  
__As my conscience…  
__Seems to be…_

Seto felt the blonde nuzzle his chest gently, and he snapped from his thoughts and returned the loving nuzzle, before he planted a soft kiss on his lips once again.

When he broke it, he looked into the blonde's honey colored eyes, weak and dull, yet still filled with the same beautiful spark he had fallen in love with. He smiled and cupped the blonde's cheek gently as he seemed to lose himself just in Jou's eyes alone.

Jou smiled a bit, and nuzzled him once again, his eyes diverted, as Seto regained himself again.

"Seto…"

"Yea, Love…?"

"I love you…"

Seto smiled and nodded, kissing his forehead as he had numerous times before. "I love you too… No matter what happens, I'll always love you… Forever and always…"

_I have hours…  
__Only lonely...  
__My love is vengeance…  
__That's never free…_

Jou's smile grew as he buried his face into Seto's chest and nodded, closing his eyes as he felt the brunette run his hand repeatedly through his hair, and he let him do so in silence.

Seto whispered the same sweet nothings in Jou's ear has he had before, and continued petting him gently, his mind focused on Jou at the present moment. About how much he loved him, and how much he was going to miss him when he finally did leave.

But as he laid there and thought, he felt the blonde slacken in his arms. In his thinking, he couldn't have realized how soon it would be that he would lose him. A slight fear fell over him as he checked the blonde's pulse and breathing, as he did whenever the blonde fell asleep, afraid of the alternative to sleep.

Unfortunately, the blonde's pulse was very slow, and slowed more as time passed, and his breathing was near nothing. Seto remained still, too afraid to move, but forced himself to after a moment, wanting to move to wake the blonde, to prolong the inevitable.

But as he moved to wake him, he felt Jou's pulse stop all together, and the boy slacken completely, no longer breathing those soft breaths that calmed the CEO moments before.

"Oh g-god… Jou… I'm sorry… I'm sorry you had to go through this… I'm sorry I couldn't save you…I… I just…" He sighed as he continued sobbing, holding Jou's lifeless body close. He remained this way throughout the rest of the night, before he calmed himself slightly, but enough for him to be able to think straight to an extent.

He sighed again, and planted a soft kiss on Jou's now cold lips, as a tear fell onto the blonde's cheek.

"Rest in peace, Love… I'll miss you… See you soon…"

_No one knows what it's like…  
__To be the bad man…  
__To be the sad man…  
__Behind blue eyes…_

* * *

End

* * *

...Nyaaaahhh... I wrote that in school on my word processor... I had to keep stopping cause I kept almost crying... that's why it too so long! Im sorry! I hope you guys like it... 

Jou - Quit killing me off WOMAN!  
Sorry!


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